your *free* dose of liz :: kosovo

Life in London

It's been just over 2 weeks since X and I have arrived in London, and I have to say, it's been one of the harder transitions I've had to make to a new place. London in itself is a 'lovely' city, it really is, but it is large, getting around takes time and costs money, and without a purpose it is a challenge just to be here - not spending money.

So no big news, we've seen Windsor on Sunday which was very charming, and Richmond the week before which was also very beautiful - to be alongside the Thames in the countryside on a sunny day. I leave for Amsterdam for 5 days on Thursday, and when I come back we'll start looking at flats with an agent. We've decided that Marylebone is one of our favourite areas, just near Regents Park, still well connected to the city but more like a village on the high street. Of course we're not really ruling any area out, but Bayswater, Fitzrovia, Bloomsbury and further west to Notting Hill / Kensington are also very very nice (the latter being a pinch on the wallet - what am I saying, they're all a pinch on the wallet!). Thing is, X and I are not independently wealthy so our standards are shifting all the time. Basically we just want a place that is clean with heating, and if it has some character that's just an added bonus.

More soon, if you're in Amsterdam this weekend, give me a shout.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Decision-making is never easy. You see two paths ahead of you. One is going to land you in the swamp, and the other on a beautiful green and lushious mountain top, that is, until the (volcanic) mountain erupts, people are killed and the mountain turns to rock. During this time, the swamp dries up and becomes a bird refuge, full of flowers and greenery. And the cycle of life continues.

For me, current daily decisions aren't so life changing(well, one never knows), but my big decision for the next few days is, should I stay in Pristina for the next 3 months to teach at university and make some money, or should I leave with X and move to London, the unknown. I go back and forth like the wind (and it's been like Desert Storm here in Kosovo, big hot winds moving through). There are obviously pros and cons of each.

To stay would mean university teaching experience, guaranteed financial savings, and a nice extra consulting project for my CV. But it also means making a move in Pristina (to a smaller flat), living on my own for 3 months, shortening our travel plans and being away from X as he starts a new life in London.

To leave would mean pulling out of my courses almost last minute (not nice for my friends at AUK), having no guaranteed work for the next 3-4 months, and stopping the life we've made here almost immediately. It would also mean a nice break with X to explore the Balkans before leaving, sorting out our things and consolidating it in Brussels together, spending some time in the Netherlands to sort out some admin, and looking for a flat together, taking time together to explore London.

It wouldn't be a tough decision at all if the people here in Pristina weren't so lovely, the teaching wasn't so interesting and I  was independently wealthy...

And for the bigger news, what should I do about my Freekosovo blog? Surely I would need another name, unless I turn the name into some kind of political statement on my views of the future of Kosovo...and I do believe Kosovo should be 'free', but they are already free. Whether they can operate as an independent state or country, that's another question. Things are pretty messy here....

but I digress..

5 seconds of self-awareness

Everyday I learn a little bit about myself. Some days, I even learn a lot. Today I realize that I sometimes jump before asking how high, cross the street before looking, and think I can right the wrongs of the world single-handedly, without knowing precisely what I'm up against.

Luckily, I also realize I'm human, and more and more I learn to forgive myself and move on.

the fearful unknown.

It's finally hitting me that I'm moving. Yes, my things have been in shambles for weeks, boxes strewn about, administration of phones, address, doctors appointments, goodbye lunches, goodbye dinners, goodbye drinks, but it seems I've been walking around in some kind of comatose state up until a few moments ago when it finally registered: Holy Cow. I'm moving.

There is something terrifying about not having a job. An income, that small but powerful reminder that one can take care of all basic needs and then maybe splurge now and then on that special...whatever.
I'm suddenly waking up to the fact that there is nowhere for my checkbook to go right now but down, and this absolutely paralyzes me with fear.

What if, what if, what if...

The mind is like a dog chasing its tail. It invents things to worry about, then does it's best to work out the puzzle to convince itself it'll all be ok. As if everything wasn't ok before the mind stepped in and started worrying. And this, my friends, is the true reason I do yoga.

Of course, there are many unknowns, probably most are more gripping than whether or not I have money in the piggybank.  For example, all those questions friends have been asking me over the past weeks about Kosovo? I actually have no idea what it will be like there or what the future holds. But then, does anybody ever?

On the brightside, if we all knew how the story would end and never tried anything new, what fun would that be? Sometimes blindfolding yourself and running off the edge of a cliff provides you with not only a thrill, but a bed of soft feathers to land on, or better yet, a giant trampoline...