your *free* dose of liz :: kosovo

The First Signs of Winter

I've been speechless for the last for days, and not because of the beauty and location of our new flat in Notting Hill. I've lost my voice from a proper chest cold, the kind that upturns large chunks of booger from the depths below that you can't wait to show off to friends and loved ones. You know.

So a lot has been going on here in London in the past week, notably, we've moved, and I've been busy with thai massages and yoga yoga yoga (though the past 4 days have largely been occupied by coughing, moving house, making tea, and rejoicing over the thing in the kitchen called the oven. It's the first time I've had one in 8 years so there's a lot of baking to catch up on).

Tonight I find myself behind the desk of the Jivamukti Yoga Centre in London. How I got here is beyond me. I came in to assist the basics class and take a class myself, but due to the announcement of Winter with its brisk winds and dropping temperatures, the regular front desk girl couldn't make it in. So I learned a bit of running credit cards, signing people in and selling water and towels. And of course, drinking, and making tea, something I'm getting to be a pro at.

Speaking of  Tea, my new favourite shop on Westbourne Grove is Tea Palace, where the tea and tea accessories are must haves if you have any spare coinage and are at all interested in tea culture. Nearby, my other new favourite shop is onhand - Sweaty Betty, for girls that like to sweat!

We're expecting internet/tv/phone to be hooked up in the very near future, enabling me to blog/vlog and ... reconnect with english television. Hooray!

Love and Hate in London

I have begun a tenuous, love-hate relationship with London. Two days ago I was biking past my would be new apartment thinking, you know, I quite like it here and can imagine that in a few weeks I might even Love it here! I was so excited about all the possibilities that I even tossed and turned in my bed.

Now, two days later, I'm fed up and angry with that other, dog eat dog mentality the city offers.

We lost our dream apartment on Palace Court. We  were planning on moving in on November 1, next week, and even purchased tickets to go back to Belgium to sort our storage out, arranged movers, etc...and then, some arsehole works out a private deal with the landlord on the side offering him more money. Bugger. We had put a deposit down and were just waiting for a signed contract.

Oh well, let go let go. I am now going to see a few places this afternoon and if we don't find anything today, next Thursday is our last chance with the agent, so, keep your fingers crossed for us!

Freeliz in London

So I haven't yet had the time to set up a new London blog with a more appropriate name (and certainly don't have the funds to pay for a new URL!); thus for now my story will continue right here.

A lot has happened here in London in the past week. Where to begin? First off, we found a place to live. In two weeks we'll be moving to 30 Palace Court in Notting Hill / Bayswater. It's right on the corner of Kensington Gardens and about 2 minutes from Notting Hill Gate as well as the Queensway tube. We're pretty excited about the shift, despite enjoying every minute at Paul's  place on Grafton Way. You can watch the video below for a walk through, or check out the picts here.

Second, y esterday I bought this nice little red bike. It's not exactly what I had in mind, but I traveled all the way to Hillendon (which is the second stop from the end of the line, in bumf*ck suburban London)and after an hour tube ride walked another half hour in the middle of nowhere to find the guy's house. I couldn't be bothered to walk all the way back, so I bought the bike to get back to the station. It's a '78 Raleigh that was 90 pounds...not a steal, but cheaper than anything else I could find on the net...plus it has a basket and no-one would ever really go out of their way to steal it. I've ridden it around today and it was great. It's a little old skool but it's red, it's got sass!

The third bit of big news is that I started my apprenticeship at the Jivamukti Yoga Studio in London. My mentor's name is Durga and she's amazing. The apprenticeship basically boils down to:

-5 classes at JML a week

-3 assist classes a week

-4 in-class-privates a week

-teach portions of classes

-attend workshops with sharon and david

-attend all satsangs/kirtans

It's a busy schedule but I am sure that I will love and learn a great deal. I'm very very VERY excited about this.

The last news is that I met with my friend Paul's animator friends today who own a company called Model Robot. The idea is for Paul and I to work together to develop a longer term strategy for these guys and then to implement it....Will keep you posted, but for now, it's good night!

Life in London

It's been just over 2 weeks since X and I have arrived in London, and I have to say, it's been one of the harder transitions I've had to make to a new place. London in itself is a 'lovely' city, it really is, but it is large, getting around takes time and costs money, and without a purpose it is a challenge just to be here - not spending money.

So no big news, we've seen Windsor on Sunday which was very charming, and Richmond the week before which was also very beautiful - to be alongside the Thames in the countryside on a sunny day. I leave for Amsterdam for 5 days on Thursday, and when I come back we'll start looking at flats with an agent. We've decided that Marylebone is one of our favourite areas, just near Regents Park, still well connected to the city but more like a village on the high street. Of course we're not really ruling any area out, but Bayswater, Fitzrovia, Bloomsbury and further west to Notting Hill / Kensington are also very very nice (the latter being a pinch on the wallet - what am I saying, they're all a pinch on the wallet!). Thing is, X and I are not independently wealthy so our standards are shifting all the time. Basically we just want a place that is clean with heating, and if it has some character that's just an added bonus.

More soon, if you're in Amsterdam this weekend, give me a shout.

Is the sky gray, or is it me?

Here in London, the sky is gray. The thing is, it hasn't all been gray since I've arrived. I've seen the sun far more than most people probably do in their first week of living here, and it's only rained once. So I'm thinking maybe it's me.

There have been so many moves over the past year(s), and it's true that some of them I haven't been all that excited about. When my mind goes to the place that tells me that it just might not work out for me here, I try to remember all those difficult moments in Kosovo, Salzburg, even in Brussels and Amsterdam at times.  I pulled out of those moments and found something to love about each and everyplace that I've lived.  But this somehow seems ... different.

This is the most 'American' city I've lived in since Washington DC. People speak my language, there is an abundance of diversity and a fabulous yoga studio to frequent. The public transport isn't even that bad. But for the past week, I've had this knot in my chest that I'm struggling to let go of. What is it? Fear - of the unknown, of failure, of dependency. Fear of not being true to myself because of the pressure to make money to survive here.

I'm in that unsafe zone that fuels insecurity and self-doubt. This is my challenge, to see this experience as my teacher; to learn from the feelings that rise up being in this new environment; to become aware of those people around me, struggling in their own way, and to do whatever I can to uplift their lives.

I feel better already.

Been awhile, back in Amsterdam

After 6 weeks of travel in the Balkans, X and I have moved all our things back to Belgium and are awaiting our move to London.

It's nice to the beautiful city spaces in Amsterdam and Brussels again, and especially inspiring to see clean, green fields of grass and forests. As I type this, the window washers have just dropped from above to clean my friend's windows as I listen to the drilling of housing development projects near by. Still, there is a sense of calm and peace here unlike I've had in a long time.

These next days are administration - bill paying and moving boxes and making contact with some people.

I'm going to buy a new camera in these next days. Hooray!

How we make decisions

There's a great Dutch saying by a friend : Ik zal even dichterbij komen. (I'm going to let it come a little closer.) This isn't such a bad way to make decisions, and the one I've used recently to make my choice not to stay in Pristina and teach for the next half year. I would love to have that experience, and maybe someday I still can, but for now, focusing on the move and logistics of work permits, choosing a home and getting settled with X is seeming like where the focus should be.

In the end, another Dutch friend of mine once told me, when confronted with the situation, take the easiest, simplest path that will reach your goal. It's sort of a no-brainer unless you're unsure of your goal, or the priorities of your multiple objectives.  It is so easy to see the path for others, but for myself, this is always a complex, painful process.

Anyway, the good news is that I hope to continue working with the University from London so I won't be feeling so anxious to find work.

Meanwhile...

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Decision-making is never easy. You see two paths ahead of you. One is going to land you in the swamp, and the other on a beautiful green and lushious mountain top, that is, until the (volcanic) mountain erupts, people are killed and the mountain turns to rock. During this time, the swamp dries up and becomes a bird refuge, full of flowers and greenery. And the cycle of life continues.

For me, current daily decisions aren't so life changing(well, one never knows), but my big decision for the next few days is, should I stay in Pristina for the next 3 months to teach at university and make some money, or should I leave with X and move to London, the unknown. I go back and forth like the wind (and it's been like Desert Storm here in Kosovo, big hot winds moving through). There are obviously pros and cons of each.

To stay would mean university teaching experience, guaranteed financial savings, and a nice extra consulting project for my CV. But it also means making a move in Pristina (to a smaller flat), living on my own for 3 months, shortening our travel plans and being away from X as he starts a new life in London.

To leave would mean pulling out of my courses almost last minute (not nice for my friends at AUK), having no guaranteed work for the next 3-4 months, and stopping the life we've made here almost immediately. It would also mean a nice break with X to explore the Balkans before leaving, sorting out our things and consolidating it in Brussels together, spending some time in the Netherlands to sort out some admin, and looking for a flat together, taking time together to explore London.

It wouldn't be a tough decision at all if the people here in Pristina weren't so lovely, the teaching wasn't so interesting and I  was independently wealthy...

And for the bigger news, what should I do about my Freekosovo blog? Surely I would need another name, unless I turn the name into some kind of political statement on my views of the future of Kosovo...and I do believe Kosovo should be 'free', but they are already free. Whether they can operate as an independent state or country, that's another question. Things are pretty messy here....

but I digress..