Here in London, the sky is gray. The thing is, it hasn't all been gray since I've arrived. I've seen the sun far more than most people probably do in their first week of living here, and it's only rained once. So I'm thinking maybe it's me.
There have been so many moves over the past year(s), and it's true that some of them I haven't been all that excited about. When my mind goes to the place that tells me that it just might not work out for me here, I try to remember all those difficult moments in Kosovo, Salzburg, even in Brussels and Amsterdam at times. I pulled out of those moments and found something to love about each and everyplace that I've lived. But this somehow seems ... different.
This is the most 'American' city I've lived in since Washington DC. People speak my language, there is an abundance of diversity and a fabulous yoga studio to frequent. The public transport isn't even that bad. But for the past week, I've had this knot in my chest that I'm struggling to let go of. What is it? Fear - of the unknown, of failure, of dependency. Fear of not being true to myself because of the pressure to make money to survive here.
I'm in that unsafe zone that fuels insecurity and self-doubt. This is my challenge, to see this experience as my teacher; to learn from the feelings that rise up being in this new environment; to become aware of those people around me, struggling in their own way, and to do whatever I can to uplift their lives.
I feel better already.
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